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BURST Pandemic

by: XHABIR DERALLA

A pandemic. It’s hard to fall asleep in such a time. Police sirens and sporadic shootings last all night. The capital city is divided in five sectors, and crossing from sector to another is practically impossible. In addition to the police and army, the borders between the sectors are guarded also by armed party militants, who at the same time are also the main traders, more specifically, smugglers.

Wearing masks is mandatory, but there aren’t any masks. From time to time, a humanitarian package arrives that immediately goes into the hands of the party militants of the two ruling parties, and later are sold for 10 euros per mask for one use. Electricity is produced, but there

isn’t any, while the bills are mind-blowing. The advisor to the prime minister for energy is the owner of multiple hydropower plants, and has a share in all other parts of the energy business in the country. Some say he runs the energy business on behalf of the prime minister. Anyhow, the government claims that the production of electricity isn’t enough to meet the needs of the country. On the other hand, there are rumours that we are producing enough and that, actually, we are importing our own electricity, but the authorities are categorically rejecting that thesis.

There is food in stores in limited quantities and it’s expensive. Often it’s with an expired date. There are several elite shopping malls in the center of the city where the political, business and media elite go shopping. They say that the prices of the products in those shopping malls are among the highest in the world.

Schools are not working. Instead, language, math, history and religious studies classes are held every day on the first program of the national broadcasting service. The rest of the program consists of folk patriotic songs and folk dances and a movie on the fight against the Turks and Albanians.

The country is under the embargo of Western imperialists. Aid in food, medicines and medical supplies arrives rarely and only through Serbia, and is sent from Russia, China, North Korea and Turkey. They say that part of the aid comes through smuggling channels and from Hungary, which these days is about to be excluded from the EU.

The prime minister of FYROM the day before yesterday unveiled a monument of the Hungarian prime minister in the “Alley of Friends” in front of the party headquarters. Today a monument of the Russian leader is also expected to be unveiled and sculptures dedicated to the Serbian, Chinese and Turkish leadership are expected to be unveiled during this week and the following. The prime minister in a debate show that he participated in, hinted that he would also unveil a monument of Dr. Mugabe, former Zimbabwean dictator. Coupons for food and masks from the stores of Sileks – Kratovo are being handed out for presence and applauding at these events.

This morning, the prime minister and ministers of health, interior, finance and socially policy scheduled a press conference. The minister of death, as the so-called Colourful Revolutionaries used to call him once, states that the number of infected and sick is constantly going down in our country, unlike the devastating statistics of the rotten West, but

that the state of emergency has to remain in effect due to prevention. He hits nervously on the microphones and yells out that he is an honest patriot and that the government is honest and patriotic. He claims that the statements, saying there is no more room in the cemeteries across the country for the hundreds of people who have died (daily) from the virus that has struck the world, are fake news. He claims that the pandemic has practically bypassed our country.

The minister of interior informs that the criminal and terrorist cells were destroyed last night in parts of the capital and in several other cities and villages in the western and north-western part of the country. Around three hundred people have been arrested, among which also the accomplices of the terrorists. Among the arrested are minor children, as well as very old people. Furthermore, she stated that four new spies of the foreign services have been arrested, who disguised as journalists, carried out espionage-terrorist acts, according to the PI measures implemented by the MVRO at the order of the PPO.

At the end of her speech, the minister of police, through tears said that several more courageous members of the police forces have been killed in a clash with terrorists. At the same time, she announced to the public that Xhabir Deralla, Saso Ordanoski and other traitors and mercenaries are continuing to spread fake news shamelessly. She emphasized that conscientious media such as TV Alfa, Sitel, Kanal 5, Kurir, Republika, Infomaks, Plusininfo and several other, must receive even higher subsidies for their objective informing.

The minister of social policy, visibly shaken from the morning dose of alcohol, announced that the standard of living is rising, while the number of social cases is constantly declining. At the end of his speech, he reflected on, as he called it, the “traitorous opposition”. “There will be screaming, yelling, if they continue like this!”, he added.

The minister of finance, who mysteriously disappeared for several months, today for the first time appeared at the press conference of top government people. There are rumours going around in the corridors that he had been “frozen” because of his statements “We are lunatics” and for having wanted to slam the phone off the head of his godfather, the prime minister. He informed the public that the Government, in conditions of a worldwide recession, is setting records in the economy and that companies and farmers have nothing to worry about. He added that currently 44 tender procedures are open. The minister of finance stated that the assertions that tenders are awarded to companies of his cousin and friends of the prime minister are fake news. “The prime minister is not even talking to his cousin” – argued the minister of finance.

Following the ministers, it is common for the prime minister to speak. Him being the last to speak, as he has stressed several times until now, should be understood as a democratic capacity of the government that he has been leading for one and a half decade. In his one-hour speeches, he reflects on the current political security situation in the world and the region, not avoiding ugly words regarding the US and the EU, and never forgetting to mention the brotherly people who are unselfishly helping our country in this difficult period. It is known that his speeches are written by people from the party agitprop team that is led by the party official who at one time used to say that opposition members will end up in the gulley with their families.

Today, the prime minister announced that, at the proposal of MVRO, additional 2.8 million euros will be approved for subsidizing the conscientious media. Furthermore, the prime minister announced that farmers will receive a 34% increase of subsidies, and also announced good news for retired citizens whose pensions this month again will be increased by another 124 denars, with which the average pension will rise to a historic high level. The minimum salary will rise to 9.902 denars, and social assistance will increase by 93 denars, hence, now it will amount to 3.493 denars for a family of four. His speech is often interrupted with loud applauses from present journalists from the conscientious media. Questions from traitorous media are not accepted.

Today the press conference lasted about four hours and thirty minutes, less than usual. The minister of labor and social policy left before the press conference ended. A bang can be heard from outside, as if several automobiles have crashed. That was probably the minister’s jeep…

Translation: Natasa Cvetkovska6

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