BURST I will go to the end
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by: XHABIR DERALLA
If I look back over the past two or three years, no need to go further back, I will see a rich gallery of characters obsessed with how to harm me, distract me, insult me, slander me. And they choose no words to support their notorious lies. They openly call for violence against me and for my murder. I have heard that I am their main topic in some of their café conversations.
It’s not just any gallery of characters. I’m not that interested, and I’m not extremely active on the social media, therefore I can’t number them all. I notice most of their disgusting firecrackers against me only after some of those attacks end up in the media in which I’m a responsible person.
One of the funniest characters in that gallery is a former member of the security structures, a fan of Putin, boss of a minor and microscopic small Pro-Russian party, smaller than a local grocery store. At one time, he came out at a press conference to “reveal” that one of the election monitoring reports hadn’t been written by me, but by the German security service BND. One rightist then sincerely asked me how much money I had given him for that advertisement.
Here, it’s important for me to say that I have never given a single denar for advertisement, neither to a party, nor to the media to “praise” me. Alfa TV is my greatest free advertisement. They are filling entire program segments with me. They are dealing with me starting from the chief editor (I forgot her name), through some I don’t know editor Momiroski, up to journalist teams. Otherwise, this is the television station in which in 2018 millions poured in for the purpose of conducting a black campaign against the Prespa Agreement. For a text related to this scandalous, personally in my opinion also criminal, project, I received a “verdict” from the Council for Media Ethics (CMEM) for having violated the Code of Journalists. The text was a compilation of several previously published texts by various authors, by the way.
Several weeks later, Vasko Eftov, admitted in front of the cameras of his own production that, as director of the television in 2018, he had led the campaign and with this, as he (ridiculously) believes, “had prevented” the Referendum. It’s that show where he had a conversation with that librarian who seems to have not even read “Zoki Poki”. Otherwise, Eftov made an entire show about me as well, and he claimed that I was one of the main actors in the fight for “Gruevski’s dethronement” (that’s what he said), after which they asked me whether I had paid him too for that.
In a prominent place in the gallery is also one minister, a servant of Mickoski, who rarely attends government sessions, but just has pictures taken of him and makes obstructions in the service of his party, and against the public health and democracy. Yes, the one who got the nickname linked to the reflection of light. By the way, he too was decorated with a “victory” against me in a “dispute” before CMEM…
A former President of the Criminal Court, a judge-millionaire, and now also a detainee, has also obsessed with me. He wakes up and goes to sleep thinking about me, the poor guy. What can I do?
One seemingly poor little thing, who turned out to be a sly and greedy manipulator and national-socialist, whose single “ideology” is a fight for money and at least a little power, stabbed his friends in the back, and is building his public function through attacks against me, practically every day. Sometimes directly, sometimes through his stupid followers and mercenaries. His witticisms are stupid, clumsily streetwise (no good even for the streets), but certainly primitive. He abused an entire party, turned it into a private club and has claimed wrongfully, according to talks of his former party members, 300,000 euros. On behalf of the party, he sued me for insult and slander. In the concluding words in the courtroom, with a crying and trembling voice, with his head bowed down between the narrow shoulders, with his thin hair falling over his face, he “revealed” to the judge that I had inflicted enormous damage to his party and that with my writing I had caused disunion and disintegration of the party. One can only burst out laughing. He doesn’t need me to destroy the party, he destroyed it himself.
For an expressed opinion, after I had previously demanded replies from the General Staff, which I published, now a whole general staff is suing me, otherwise an adjutant of the former puppet-president (of Gruevski), a man who, during the regime, had a “sparkling career” in our Army. And for him too, I have received a “verdict” from the CMEM in his favour. Now he is suing me for insult and slander. If I sat down to write about everything that (I) is known about him (I don’t have the time), then he would launch an armoured division against me. For now, he is limiting himself to sporadic shots against me on the social media, certainly, with insults and slanders, which for some are invisible. This doesn’t concern me, honestly.
Senior party officials of the “biggest party” are the most interesting. In addition to the fact that they themselves engage in writing posts on Facebook and Twitter against me, I can easily notice their handwriting also behind dozens of trolls and bots, nameless cowards and halfwits.
Directors of serious state institutions and agencies, quasi journalists and quasi intellectuals (and university professors), criminals with a record of being fraudsters (goatherds), radical nationalists, people with no shame, shallow in the minds, deep in the pockets, installed in various corners of the system, all together – just can’t stop talking about me. Long is the list of people, among which many are paid with our money, citizens’ money, who don’t stop with the insults, lie viciously, meanly, immorally and ugly, and engage in hatred and calls for liquidation. Small, ugly and mean souls, scared pieces of garbage…
They are calling me a fascist, ballist, Shqiptar, drug addict, dealer, drunkard, traitor, mercenary (and much more). And who are they calling this? Here: an anti-fascist, cosmopolite (from a mixed background – Albanian, Turk, Croat…), an antinationalist, activist for human rights and green values, someone who doesn’t drink at all or take drugs, loves his country and is concerned with its well-being… Okay, I admit, I smoke a lot and drink many coffees and Coca-Cola every day, I don’t eat regularly (except for sweets and ice-cream), I have a turbulent past (filled with personal tragedies)… Punk rock and dark wave are my favourite music directions… and that perhaps is a sin. And I’m also an atheist… Bu-huuu!
Usually, I just smile to their attacks, to all those officials, generals, ministers, frauds, quasi intellectuals and propagandists and continue with my life and my work. In such circumstances, I recall on an old neighbourhood story and I laugh even more. And I don’t hate them. I love people.
With the attack against me, they hope that their name will become more important, that they will gain popularity, that they will be seen. This succeeds among the naïve, and, unfortunately, there are many of those. But that’s life. I have no reason to complain, but I see even less reason to draw back, withdraw or surrender. I am part of something bigger than just an ordinary human life. And when I’ll be gone, the ideas for which I am fighting and the country (North Macedonia) for the well-being of which I am advocating, will remain and will grow. And they will win.
To take away the time and attention of the “enemies”, to troll and constantly push them in defence – not to attack, but for them to constantly have to defend themselves… that’s how the criminal minds in the political “business” act. I don’t consider myself an enemy of any of them. I am a determined opponent of what they represent and will fight to the last breath for them to face responsibility for all their dark and criminal actions. They should have no doubt in this. They can even realize their dark threats, but this can only come back at them a thousand times, nothing more.
There is no highway that goes to the tops of humanity. It’s a narrow path, steep and thorny, uncertain… Everyone who has set foot on this path, from the first step, knows that it’s not easy, nor safe to follow. One cannot follow it in a crowd, only one by one. And not everyone endures. But some people are simply created for such a terrain. From experience so far, I think I am one of them. It is my honour to walk that path. I will go to the end.
p.s. This is a personal view and value judgement of the author of these lines.